dialogue to self about meds and life, i am HIV positive with Hep C

Saturday, November 22, 2003

well still my life will not be the same. it won't be for some time now. i hope to feel better, and maybe even have a girlfriend 1 day. who knows. i am sure there are some out there that would not mind going out with someone with HIV, but i am special. i don't think there are even that many men who would treat their women so fine. i am sure. well i am lonely now. and there is no turning back now. i do hope i feel better soon. but it will not be soon enough. capt signing off...peace and love.
well it has been over 1 week now that i lost miss zoe. i am missing her now. i am now off and spending some time with the family in florida. i am doing alright, i guess. just not used to having this much time for myself. it was a nice funeral. she would have been proud, i hope. play REM you are the everything, and third eye blind, how's it going to be. and then 3 other songs. it was nice. i truly believe that her kidneys failed that day. so she is no longer suffering. she would be in pain, i know that.

Friday, November 14, 2003

so now there are 3 bodies, actually 4 over at cave hill. you see we have had her dads' ashes with us for the last 7 years. and his ashes will be placed into her urn...this was one of her last wishes...i am hoping she does not haunt me. lol. she was a remarkable woman and she touched many lives while she was with us. they don't make too many of her. she is my new angel up above. hope she will help me in my life. until next time. capt signing off. p/l
well where to begin at. my wife died yesterday. have not been in the mood to come back here for awhile. i feel like i have talked with the whole city about her and what happened. she passed away in her sleep and went peacefully as we all would like to do so...she will be sorely missed. nov 13, 2003 another anniversary to remember. no fun...been quiet around the house as you might image...fisrt month will be the hardest, i think. as for my health, well i am alright physically at least. my tcells are at the highest point ever while i have been infected. and my hiv viral load, i hope is still undetectable. i should get those results next week. have not been in a rush to get those back...

Monday, November 03, 2003

not sure what else to share with you all tonite...just soon to be me...i am sure i will be back...until then...capt signing off.
if so then, that is that...she has fought the good fight...then there were 3. 3 of what you say...3 of them at the mighty big cavehill in the sky...you see myself and zoe and my brother and uncle jerry are all buried or have plots at the best damn cememtary in the nation, if not the world....called cavehill in lousyvill, ky. so if my wife is going soon, there will be 3 buddies to visit when you go for a stroll through the woods on the grounds...
she has not given any blood as of late...for any results to get back for her...i am not sure if she is aware of her surroundings....but then over the weekend...she wanted to phone a lot of friends to say goodbye or so...she did talked to her daughter for about an hour. which was good. i was wondering all the time if this is the last phone call that candice will get from her mother...made ya stop and think...thought the same thing when she came home this past weekend in ambulance. might this be the last time she comes home...
how is the world today??? who knows.. it has been awhile since i checked in.. thought i would jot down some thoughts. the misses came home last week from the hospice center. came home on wednesday with the intentions of dying at home. she has stopped all meds, except the ones to keep her comfortable. she sleeps even more so now..weeks, if days.. but who knows.. she has rebounded before...we can only hope from this point on.... just what the lord of the rings is about...never lose hope...