dialogue to self about meds and life, i am HIV positive with Hep C

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

so it has been about 3 months since i have been here. man time flies when you are having fun. well since august i have been doing nothing really special. been working as usual. also still going to the gym about 3 times a week. i also just started to work for the mote aquairium. they finally got a patient in the hospital this past week, so i was there for the first time last night. i was on the 8pm to 12midnight shift. the release forms to work there mentioned hiv/aids issue, so i need to get a doctor approval to do any more volunteering for them. i hope to continue this. it is like a life long dream to work with sea animals. it is way cool. watched the dolphin, atlantic bottlenose swim around for 4 hours. we had to make sure she keeps moving, if not we are going in the tank to help her swim. it was cold as hell here last night and i am glad i did not have to get wet. lol. will get me out of the house a couple of times a week. so i got my own wet suit this past weekend.

on doctor news, well i am doing fine. i think my tcells went up like 100 points last time in august. i see doc again on monday 11/27. i have been feeling fine, with only small headaches as usual.

adherencecorp.com had it's guavaween social in october. it went well. kind of small crowd this year, but we had a great time in treasure island. look us up and try to join us next year for the social. we invite anybody who like to attend.

we have gotten the text messaging service off the ground. we are texting now something like 20 people now.


we also had our social in november in floral city, in citrus county. we had another great time. we have a once a month social that travels around the tampa bay area. we actually did some gator grabbing that night. we went out at night and actually pulled some gators out of the water with our bare hands. yes we were drunk. lol.

well i am off. i hope to be on here a little sooner than 3 months again. but i am sure i said that last time. i am doing well. still single, but no biggy. zoe 3rd anniversary was last week. went by with a little less tears this year. i also got her quilt piece done. a friend of mine mother did it this year. i will take some pics and send it out for sure.

well take care and take care of each other. much peace and love. rev. vernon.

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

wow did not realize that i have been off of here for so long. i am doing well. hope all is well with you. i went to see doc today and thought i would report in. all my CBC is in the normal range. can you believe it... my liver is doing great ast and alt both in great range. and my tcells went up like 100 points. i am still doing the 1 week on...and 1 week off with hiv therapy, but i take all kinds of supplements that i get at the healthy PWA meetings. and my viral load is still undetectable. yippee. so i am doing well. i am taking care of myself.

and doing some mental images that help with my reality. i am trying the change my world with thoughts. and i feel that this will no doubt help me in the long run. i urge everyone to look at the film "what the bleep do we know". an amazing film/documentary that all should view.

other than that...i am going out tonight to do some dancing and last weekend i went out to gators here locally and had a blast. still working out at the Y and doing what i need to be doing.


only bad news i have had a late is the loss of my aunt mimi. not only mind, but the world's mimi. she was very special to all who met her. she never met a stranger and one of the world's best cooks. if there ever was one. she will be really missed by me and thousand of others. i wish that the hurting in her families heart will heal soon. but it does take time.

i wish peace and love to all who may read these letters. captcosmos

Sunday, July 30, 2006

hello again. i am just checking in. not much new here. been spending my weekends at the beach during the day and then on sunday i go to the drum circle. love is rough. lol.


give blood this week and then see doc later in august. this being july 30. i got tickets to see dave real soon. it is a week from this wednesday. staying at the holiday inn on the fairground grounds. we can walk to the concert. should be fabulous.

then in september RENT is coming to town. i got tickets for opening night and then i am planning on seeing it again that friday night. get those $20 tickets for that night.

i also got tickets to sheryl crow. i have never seen her, so that should be a good show. that is not until october.

i am feeling well. i have the healthy pwa mtg this week. always look forward to that.

mum and papa frank spent the nite last nite. i survived. lol.

i am off to make some sales this week. it is going to be a great week. waiting for the north territory to open up. it should be a killing for me.

well much love and peace to all. rev. cosmos.

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

well hello world. today being the day after the 4th of july it got me thinking of how terrible things are still in washington. the wrong president is in charge the house of reps, like the daily show says, is full of assholes. they again decided that the poor people of this nation needed a pay raise in the minimum wage. nooooo...but they were kind enough to give themselves a raise. how can we as american people let them get away with this...!!!! to this day most americans are so much into their gucci bag, they simply do not give a shit anymore. we are a nation of zombies...and i am one of them. ugh

well on other news...i went and saw blue october this past sunday nite. had a good time. among other things that came up. love the band.. and now have seen them twice.


i am going to let all of those who may read this site about my work out details. some people have asked me if i am doing steriods. no shit.

it is a program i learned at the great university of louisyville. it was one of my gym class and i still use the same routine.

1...find you max weight and do

2...you do 3 sets of 10 reps with weight.

and use this for all weight excercises, whether that is machine or free weights

3...on your first rep of 10 use 50% of your max weight.

4...on your next set do75% of your max weight.

5. then on your last set of reps do you max weight...if you can do over 10..like maxing out at 12 then add 10% weight onto your next time you work out....if you can only do 6 reps the last time through, then you are using too much weight. you should at least be able to get 7 reps on the last set.

and you do that for some time and get back with me how your body is doing...

i am not a certified personal trainer...nor do i claim to be one. i might at a future date, but i am not one now.

i am doing fine. kinda of lonely through another holiday...but at least i have a beach to go to...lol


much love and peace to all. and i will check back soon...capt. vernon

Monday, June 26, 2006

i know i was just on here, somewhat. i wanted to say how sick and tired i am of congress....maybe this will get me some press....lol

the country is in a stupor about congress. the house of reps is not even close to being with the pulse of the country.. i am a poli sci major and hate how things are going in washington. especially with the idiot pres in office now. We need a wake up call.


well like bruce springsteen new CD. get it now. for there is a wake up call in that CD. the songs are great and it reminds one of when this country meant something in this world of ours.

john henry still lives today.



well onto other things....can you name the movie that had this line in it...

"guess i picked a bad week to stop drinking" and "leon is getting larger"...

and of course "the is a sale at pennys".... airplane 1980. one of the best movies ever made.

well enough of me for tonite.

tomorrow i am going to explain my work out schedule or how i do it....so many folks have asked me if i am doing steroids....i say no...just a good work out schedule. this will be given to all next time i am on here...free of charge....

much peace and love to all. capt. cos

Monday, June 19, 2006

hello again. well i am well and doing well. not much to report. i went to louisyville and back. got back last sunday afternoon. me and my niece had a marvelous time. we did a lot of nice things while we were in town. saw some old friends. and that was nice. she made some new friends. so now i am just waiting for one more trip with a kid to lousyville. that will be in 08. my nephew graduates then. had breakfast with some real old friends. it was all good. went to cavehill of course. and took my love some fresh flowers.


well my health is still doing well. i feel fine. even doing some installations tomorrow for the company. we are kinda of slow now. all the old folks up north. it is the rainy season though and some business has been coming in today.

nothing else to report. did find a nice dart bar by the house last weekend. had a whale of a time friday nite. then this next weekend, there is this annual boat race they have in the gulf for the 4th of july holiday. this is the first time i have been in town, so i look forward to the crowds on the beach. should be some fun.

until next time....much peace and love your way..rev. vernon.

Friday, June 02, 2006

hello world....well how goes it.??? i am fine. would be in lousyville right now, just had something happen at the airport yesterday and it delayed my trip. i will be leaving on sunday this weekend and will be traveling alone.

so this way i am able to make it to the mote marine aquarium class for animal handling. i can now volunteer with the animals at the aquarium. they are a world reknowned research hub for dolphins, manatees, and sea turtles. ought to be really fun working with the animals. i am excited.

saw doc last week. my tcells went up, a whole 12 points, at least they went up. and my viral load is under 400. liver looks good also. the ultra sound came out nicely, and my other liver counts were in the normal range, along with my lactic acidosis levels. which was a good thang. they are at 8mm. and no good is like 15mm. and it was collected properly, since i went to labcorp for that blood work.

well look for me soon in lousville this next week. will be making a brief visit to the home town. after this trip, not sure when i might be back in town. maybe for a football game. the cards play the canes this year and it is at home. that would be nice to witness, but even better down here while i watch them eat up the canes. that would be great. early christmas present. lol.

was at the beach today and will go again on sunday so i look nice and tan when i get in town...lol.

much love to all. rev. miquel

Monday, May 22, 2006

well last week was no big deal. at all. joke was on me. i put up with them all week long and then they blew it on friday nite. i had to ask them to leave on friday nite. i kicked them out. yes for health reasons.

well besides having nothing left in the bank, i am still ok by myself.

i had a young lady who told me today she would be happy to have dinner with me. so i am back in the game, i think. i am off to louisville next week and see the doc on wednesday before i come up. so i will have my numbers back when i travel.


i am praying that some one calls me tonite. if not, ok. but it would be nice.

she is a latino woman that works somewhere in the roofin business. man she is so beautiful.

well other than that, i am ok. and i remain ok. better off alone for now. since pysho left on friday.

much peace and love to all.rev. vernon.

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

well a quick note to say hello. i gave blood last week and then again on monday for my lactic acidosis levels. i feel fine and am doing well. the biggest news i have is that i have this young lady coming to visit me this weekend. yippee. i am quite excited. she will be here for 10 days. keep your fingers crossed for me. i think we will be fine and really look forward to seeing her. i met her last october at a retreat we had down here at treasure island. we have the days filled with fun. mostly beach time and then busch gardens. i will let you all know how it goes.

as for other news, i expecting to go to toronto in august for the international aids conference. i have signed up to volunteer in any manner that i can. so that will be fun. i really look forward to it.

well i am outta here...much peace and love you way...capt. vernon.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

well i am back. i gave blood today and realized i have not been on here for some time

before i go further, i would like everyone to drop what they are doing now...even if that means logging off this website...well do it and rush out and buy the new CD from Blue October...if you do not own it yet...you need to.


well i am fine...been doing my rehab shit...going to the beach and watching the sunset...i know i hate that....lol. tonight was really nice down there.


it being derby week and all...i got home and watched the post positions determined. and decided i needed to get out and go to the water and watch the sunset. it was nice as always. got me feet in the sand and beer in hand...that rhymes if you say it enough times....lol.


i rake the sand with my feet....it is my personal ZIN sand garden...if that is the rite word. it is quite nice to spend my evenings like that. i got down there last week or 2 weeks ago...you know those sunsets all run together...anyway it was like monday evening, well i was like what day is it? i am on the beach with a beer in hand and toes in the sand...

i say once again...happy derby week...


i am off of here for now...i gave blood again today and will get my lactic acidosis test done elsewhere...like lab corp. the clinic does not have the intelligence to draw that test. kind of scary... they have 1 centrifuge for the county...lol. not really but something like that...

well peace and love to all...capt. vernon.

and rev. vernon.

Sunday, April 16, 2006

well happy easter to all. not much happening here. went to my personal church today. called seista key beach. i go for 2 or 3 hours of meditation. at my church you actually get to see angels. with no wings though. they are angels that is for sure. lol. i went there today and yesterday for some time. i did not do much this weekend. went to see friends in st. pete on friday. other than that i was home and at the beach.

i think i am traveling to palm beach county on tuesday for a permit. ought to be a fun road trip. it is about a 4 hour drive 1 way. we are opening new territories over on the east coast. i am going to suggest a permit company over there. that would be the best. i think. unless of course i am reimbursed for my traveling. which i ought to be. work is kinda of slow and i am now going in later in the day to stay until 5pm or so. that way i am free in the a.m. and i go and work out at the y. i finally joined the local y now in sarasota. it is a nice one. real big. with racketball courts. i hope to play soon.

going to see a show next week with my neice. we are seeing fall out boy and american rejects. should be real fun. first show for the 2 of us.

well much peace and love to all. capt. vernon.

Monday, April 03, 2006

go gators...is this gator color????? go gators.....we won the 2006 ncaa basketball championship...in case you missed it...

they brought it home for me in florida....next year it mite be uofl VS. uofflorida....lol


rickey p for the win next year.....nice win for the gators...for me down here....it was wild in the local bars down here....met some nice folks....but we still won ....go gators....love you all and cardinal fans...ricky p taught billy donovan eveything he knows....so next year it will be student versus teacher....lol....go gators....love and peace to all capt. cosmos.

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

back with a quick update. not much to report really....just that i am going back to asheville this weekend to help with moving some more stuff back and forth. hoping to get on the town friday or sat nite. ought to be fun. weather here is really nice. we have had like 30 days now with no rain at least in tampa. the days are cloudless, nice way to spend march and february.

feelin ok. zoe bday was last weekend. had some flowers taken to her grave. still on my mind. saw this couple in publix tonite and i could relate to the mans had that same look on his face...lol. i recognize that.

im doing ok. actually had lunch with this woman last weekend. we might even do it again some time soon. good news. no sales yet this week, but we have like 3 apps tomorrow...so that will be a sale for sure...if not all 3 of them.

well gtg...love you all...rev. vernon.

Sunday, March 26, 2006

go gators. thought i would honor the gators with the blue color. not much happening today...or this weekend. been doing well at work. yesterday i went to the mote aquarium down here in sarasota. i am thinking about volunteering for them. that would be way cool. i got an application and i am going to mail it tomorrow. they rehab injured turtles and dolphins and other sick or hurt marine animals. it ought to be very rewarding. be able to give back to mother earth and her inhabitats.

i am feeling fine. been back at the gym regularly now. i was out of there for the month of feb and a little in march. but i am going to this bigger one here in sarasota. they even have racketball courts. hoping to play some real soon. went out and met some new people this past weekend. ran into this lawyer and his wife at the shaners club. they are nice and he was even introducing me to other regulars at the bar.

think i am going to go up to asheville next weekend. do some more moving for the forbes. and it stands now me and shelly are going up and bringing some furniture back down here. i am hoping the weather is nice next weekend.

well much peace and love to all. rev.vernon.

Thursday, March 16, 2006

hello world. well about my doctor visit. i know i should have been on here before. but here goes. my tcells only went up like20 points. but again i think this might be due to the 1 week on and 1 week off. which brings me to a point i would like to share. there was this huge trial to look at taking a treatment interruption like i am doing. well in january of this year it was called off due to the data. it showed that they do not work. well it is working for me. and my doc does not know i am doing it either. but huang started it in june of 2003. so some doctor told me to do it...or at least supported my choice. she actually brought it up. so i have been doing it. and i gave blood on a monday after i started meds on sunday. so i only had 2 days on meds when i gave blood. wonder what my tcells are at the end of the week. everything else was good. my liver counts were all normal or in range. i even had an ultra sound today on my liver. i get the results in june..

well i am doing well. i have had like 3 sales over this week and i have been averaging about 3 sales a week with the last 3 weeks or so. so i am doing well.

it is st.pats eve and i love this time of year. ya got ncaa basketball and all the excitement. me and zoe actually met this time of year. and her bday is on sunday. so i miss her some more this month. i still catch myself shedding some tears on occasion over losing her. but i am better. the hole in my heart is getting better. she will always be with me though. did i tell you all that there is this bronx avenue about 2 blocks from my new place in sarasota.

i talked to 1 ho last nite. it was a good talk. i do miss our chats. she sounded good. i hope to see her in june.

well i am off to do some dancing tonite. get busy livin....or get busy dying....i think i want to do some living tonite.

peace and love to all. capt.vernon.

Sunday, March 05, 2006

it has been some time since i have been on here. so i am back. let's see i have been to asheville, nc and about killed myself snowboarding. lol. it was fun...but damn it hurt as well. i was on the bunny slope most of the nite until i went up the hill for 1 run down before ending my short career snowboarding. i fell like 3 times and then decided to carry my board down. i thought i might have broken my collar bone or something. my shoulder hurt like hell and still does. then while walking casually down the slope with my board, i fell on some ice. and about broke my arm. it has a nice gash in it. so i am done with that...just like softball. i have realized also that i am too old for softball and have officially hung up my cleats. it was a sad realization this past month. but life goes on. and i am definetly done with snowboarding. will maybe try skies next season up there.


i have opened up some new counties for the roofing company this past month as well. more up north by the fam up there. life is good...but still lonely. it is zoe bday this month and i am going to send some flowers to her grave. i miss her still. the wound is not that bad...but i still have my moments.

i now hangin out at seista beach. i live like 7 minutes away from there. will be dark when i go up north this summer.....

my health is ok. i see doc this week and will report back my labs....i swear i will this time.

much peace and love to all. capt. vernon.

Friday, February 10, 2006

Hello world. i am back...i had no internet for about 2 weeks....ugh....i moved down to sarasota and it took some time to get my line up and running. i have no cable still and just today i got the internet. almost like camping with a condo. i got a condo down in sarasota, like i mentioned. it is about 2 miles straight out to seista key. it will be nice down here. also out my back door is the pool for the complex. can ya dig it!!! my cats love it also, there is a little kitty window that they can go out and sit on the screen patio. they are out there most of the time. slowly getting things unpacked. you know that takes some time. i am also working most days, but will have some time this weekend to put stuff away. going up north next weekend to do some skiing before the season ends. i am waiting to do some snowboarding. i hope i don't break anything. lol.

also recently started to play softball. i feel my age at night. i almost quit, but was encouraged by my sis to not at this early point. so i will try to show up for practice on sunday at 9am. my legs were like lead weight last nite... i could not move in the outfield. first game in about 8 years. and i even struck out, not once, but twice my first game. needless to say my florida debut of softball was not that great. i went 0-4 at the plate. coach said it was the pitcher...he was real good. i went 2-3 the next game. with those being both doubles. i have never struck out before, ever....now i can't say that....lol.

as you can image down here i am close to hooters, my fav. also there is a lot more action down here in sarasota, every one is not so close to the grave down here. it is nice and refreshing. and i can not wait to go to the beach every weekend.

working some on saturdays. we got off to a slow start this season. due to the warm weather up north.

well i am off of here for now. wanted to say hello. feeling fine and see doc next month in march. much peace and love to all who may read this....capt. vernon.

Monday, January 23, 2006

http://www.myspace.com/captcosmos


that is my site on myspace.com. i just opened up an account there. highly recommend it. i think. not much is new. i am moving down to sarasota this weekend. i guess you could say that is new. i can not wait. i have a pool out my back door like 15 steps away. i am moving into you could say an ant farm. it is a complex and i have one of the condo unit. i think the community will do me some good. i feel. more people around to look at. i will be grilling on the back porch a lot, and know i will be able to entice some ladies over for some grub. my motive. lol. it is like double my current space. and being in sarasota will be nice. i am like 3miles off seista key. and i have an extra bed room, so the invitation is open to all who may come down this way. feel free to drop in for a dip. lol.


weather has been nice and hot. some times i am not sure what month it is. but it is nice. today is was about 82 and yesterday my new home town had a record high at 85.

i have this head of david, the statue that michangelo made....well that statue is the symbol for sarasota. so i will fit right in. right now he is wearing my horns from my halloween costume. i was the devil in blue dress. so i had some horns. now david wears them. silly me.

well i am off to do some packing and some cooking. love you all. capt. vernon.

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

well i am doing well....even after the cardinals lost the gator game. lol. i had fun. what an atmostphere to be in....if you like college football. it was like a pep rally all weekend long. saw some old friends from the north and it was good.

not much else is happening here.. it has warmed up a little. it is about 82 degrees today. luv this weather for january. i am turning 41 this weekend. still feel young. again i think that age is just another way our society labels us.

also might be doing something with zoe's quilt piece tonight. i am supposed to be meeting with miss V. and meet her mother...so she can start on it.

also on other news...well i am moving down to sarasota finally. last couple of months i thought i might stay here in bradenton...until there arose an oppurtunity for me to move down there. there is this townhouse i am moving into off clark road. i know this means nothing to peeps up north...but i will be closer to the beach...closer to siesta key. i will be like 4 traffic lights off the key....sweet. more metro down there. sarasota is like southern california. not that i have been there....it just has a lot more pretty people. so i am moving out of this cowboy town...yippee

well not much else to report...peace and love to alll...capt cos.