well that is about it for now. i am still waiting to get my last blood work. so i am hoping that the STI is still working. doc told me that she has another patient on this routine and he has been able to maintain it. so i am off tomorrow to get a copy. my wife got a summon to go to jury duty. i am going to get a doc note to get her out of it, i think. peace and love, capt.

misses is doing alright. she was having a some what off day today. she is not making much sense when she talks. i do not know what to do. she sees the doc again on the 10 of october. hoping she will see her sooner or so. she is almost different each day. not sure how she is going to wake up. what zoe do we have today. i pumped her full of the enoluse today and still she was just rambling when she spoke tonite. she is resting quietly now. she took her evening pills and was asleep by 930pm or so.

we actually got a call from her daughter last nite. it was good to hear from her. zoe said that she did not want to talk to her. i handed her the phone anyway. so they ended up talking for about 20 minutes or so. should i say candice listened and tried to make sense of her mother for about 20 minutes.

hello people. i am doing alright. today we had a 2 and half hour interview with the local paper here. it was quite interesting. we should be in the paper here on sunday of next week or so. soon. about AIDS and relationships and how to have them. 21 lessons from our life. lol. not really.

well enough about that. my wife is sleeping as she has been doing as of late. she takes a nap in the afternoon and does not get out of bed until the next day. she tires easily. i am doing alright i guess. i should get my blood work back this week. still on the STI and doing well. enough. feels like my neuoropathy is coming back more so. as of late. my fingers get numb. not every day, but some days. more so than others. well not much else is going on. at least football season is in high gear and that helps my mental state of mind. and the lousville cardinals are doing quite well. thank god. peace and love. capt signing off.

well i am back to check in. and i wanted to say that prez. bush lied to us about IRAQ and i hope that the people of the united states will see that and not vote to reellect him. please. he is doing nothing on AIDS abroad or at home. he instead would rather kill innocence people in foreign lands. and say that this killing is for the terrorist that killed our people on 9/11. america needs to awake up and not vote for him. please. for his plegde for AIDS in the 3rd world. was even slimmed down from 3 billion a year, to 250 million a year. kinda makes you think that his heart is not really in this. and for the ryan white bill in the states, he has only flat funded that for next year. shit man wake up. AIDS is still a killer. please call your congressperson and tell them to increase the funds.

just me and the dog, cat and recently added beta fish to the family. no more animals. not that their bad or anything. only bright spot about the misses condition is that i can sit and watch 12 hours of college football and she does say anything to me. lol.. well gtg. my meatloaf is done. c-ya and peace and love, capt.

not much else going on. waiting for my meatloaf to be cooked. another meal alone at the table. think i should get used to that or something. or might get used to it. i think it would be better for me, at the dinner table, if she was not in the house. dinner time feels a little more lonesome when she is home and i am eating alone. i know ya can understand.

she is sleeping now. almost have to sedate her myself. she wants or did want to go out today. she was not in any condition to go out today. give her an "A" for effort. she is a strong fighter. and now she will need all of her strength. and some for me as well. lol.

well how is everyone tonite? we are doing well. at least i should say i am doing well. bad day for the misses. she fell about 3 times. her back is now scratched up from falling. we see doc next friday, she might not be able to wait. might be another run to the hospital this week. we are still w/no car. did rent one this weekend. just to get some fricken groceries.

hopefully we will get our new wheels tomorrow. who knows. probably, mechanic got it today and found that there was way too much shit wrong with it. that would be the kicker. well stay tuned. gtg. off to the spade tables. peace and love, capt.

other than that, life is shit. not really, this too shall pass. i know it deep down. if not in my soul.

we both see doc on the 12th of the month. i am still on the STI. and will be giving blood tomorrow if not on monday. you see the family is with out a car, as of late. and i refused to get on public bus with my piggly wiggly bags. so we have been shut ins. and the weather is just now getting to be that time of year, when it is a crime to be inside.

how to you bring up the point with your doctor about your spousing needing hospice. this next week ought to be fun. i am going to slowly approach the subject with my wife. she has fallen 3 times today alone. she does not fall every day, just every other day or so. not sure how often truly.

was at the fair this week, twice to entertain the misses. she likes the fleamarket crap. i just look at the other toothless, barefoot kentuckians and laugh. did get some free stickers from NASA. they had a booth there for the first time. i was thinkin, isn't that what state fairs are about. every body gets free stickers. also i think every state that has a state, it draws out the finest folks of the state. lol. notice how even New York, and California hates the small town, but if you went to their state fairs, you would see their own small towns. well i hope you get my point.

gtg. hope all is well for ya.

hello world. checking in for another day. we are doing alright. although the misses has been sleeping a lot lately. new drugs again. hopefully this too will pass. we are between automobiles, for the umpteenth time in our life. would give almost anything to have a reliable car. is that too much to ask for from this life. shit.

well almost football season, thank god.

wife is now asleep. she has been staying up for days on end it seems. they gave her some thing to ease her mind today. i am hoping it clears up her thoughts. she dwells on the past, badly. so you all out there in cyber space, remember, do not dwell on the past, especially if it hurts you. like the musical RENT, live with regret and you miss out. something like that.

well upgraded to XP with a new pc last month. i may have mentioned this already. i am diggin big time the online games. i am addicted to the spades game. just having some hard time getting intermediate players. should not be that hard. well gtg. p/l, capt out.

well i am back after some time away from here. my wife did get out of the hospital. we are not sure what is going with her now though. she is some times with us mentally and other days she is not. she has her moments. stay tuned. i am doing well. still on the interruption therapy for now. see doc on 12 of sept and will know more then. i am going to continue with the drug vacation for now. i am getting used to it.

and i am not an optimist. although slowly the word "hope" is coming more and more into my vocably. it is highly written about in the lord of the rings. maybe that is why i like them so much.


well i am done rambling for the nite. peace and love to all. capt.

but to see her respond like she has gives one hope. the day may come where she leaves the living. who knows. we are will meet that fate. i am reading a good book that my sister recommended. it is i "if i make it to five". about how adults can get inspiration from the kids of this world. it is written by a doc who deals with kids and their brain tumors. not much joy could be found in that line of work. but the book is just the opposite. i highly recommend. i do not have kids, but i am drawing it for inspiration for my dealings with my wife.


i am lucky enough to have a wife who loves me unconditionally. she thanked me tonite, like thank you for being there. it is nothing short of what she would be doing for me, if the roles were reversed. i hope to think that all spouses would do the same.

todays reflections

well about this time ealier yesterday i was thinking that my wife might never come home. well today it is a new story. our doc gave her something yesterday in the late a.m. and she was about normal last nite we i went into see her. yesterday afternoon i was lowering the a snakes belly. it was bad. the doc came in today and even she was blown away by her condition. rebound i should say. to experience the worse and expect, when just the opposite happens is overwhelming. as i left today she was up beat and pretty much able to hold a conversation. yesterday a.m. and friday nite was a disaster. the great doc gave her 1 drug and she was able to bounce back with that. we guess that it will now be part of her daily regiment. she is such a miracle. although myself i do not beleive in miracles or prayers. what will be will be....