on the web at long last

dialogue to self about meds and life, i am HIV positive with Hep C

Friday, October 22, 2010

more to come today. sitting at work and not much happening with the phones so i have decided to get back on here and do some venting.
hello there. i am back after about 2 years or so. i am still doing well. i have actually so much to write about i might get my fingers cramped up. i am married with 2 kids. both girls.

Monday, January 21, 2008

hey i am back kind of soon for me lately. well i wanted to vent about my date this past weekend. it went very well. we were together for like 5 or so hours. we went to dinner. and then just went to a bar to get to know each other better. she is another miss j with the same first name as last miss j. that is all i am going to say about that.

well then i went to drop her off and she asked me to come up for a drink. i thought, again there i go again putting thoughts into her head. well i told her no that i could not come up. with was late. but i did not want to have to drop the HIV bomb on the first date. so i said no. and i hope she did not take that wrong. i was in a major blah yesterday about her. i swore i would only date positive women in the future. which is not the best of view of life. it did a real major head fuck on me over the weekend with my pet virus. so i missed her at the gym on sunday. i did call her, only to get her voice mail. but she has not returned my call. who knows. i plan on attending her spin class tomorrow nite. at least i hope to. she is a real classy lady.

also this other miss j was going to call me on saturday evening. my hairdresser, but with a nother j name. any way. she did not call me. i was liked relieved almost. at least i did not have to worry about another date with a neggie. i am almost resigned to spend the rest of my life with my hand. and i dont like that thought. who knows what the future holds.

well anyway so monday afternoon who do you think knocked on my door. yes the hairdresser. she used to live in my complex only to move out in january, but she also moved out on her bf. so i told her to call me in about 2 months. she was with this guy for like 5 years. so i ended up inviting her in for a drink. some tea. we had a real nice chat and again i am putting myself in that damn situation again. so i am fixing her and her daughter dinner on friday night. yippee. she is more my style, at least close to my age and about a size 1 or 2. you know me. so i will have to cross that bridge if it comes up. hope to talk this miss j at the gym and tell her where i am coming from. she should understand, i am thinking.

well that was it. like i said, it has been a major weekend for my head case and my pet virus. i know i would like and still miss the touch of a woman. to know that again, at least one day is one thing that keeps me going in life.

i have some home work to do this week. first major assignment is due. and we see uofl play this week. they are playiing my school, usf. i am breaking out the red jeans again. love it. also will be seeing denny crum and darrell griffith there. yippee. i am going to be screaming this is for the football team. yeaaahhhhh.!!!!

any way much love and happiness to all. capt. vernon.

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

hello world i guess it has been some time since i was last on here.

well i am back in school for one. i am in the grad. program at USF for a masters in library and information sciences. if i can cut it. my intellect has been in question as of late. only by me though. you know wondering if i have the brains to get through this class. let alone the whole program. we will see. we only meet 3 times this semester. so that is nice. it is all over the internet. you have to log onto the web about 3 or more times a week. not a problem here. since i have no life. i can get on most of the time or i am online most of the time at home. we have class discussions and we are to share an article that relates to this weeks topic. if we find one. i will keep this blog posted on how i do in there.

i got rid of my roommate. that was causing so much anxiety in my life. i felt like a battered woman. i never knew who my roommate was going to be when i got home. you see he drank a lot. yikes. that is an understatement. when you drink jaigermeister at 9am on saturday morning. you might have a problem. he would verbally abuse me a lot when he drank. so i just ignored him.. on new years day i gave him 30 days to get out. i should not have to live like that. so i came home on the 9th of january and he was gone. no note, no nothing. most of his things were gone. joy joy happy happy. so now i got the whole place to myself. it is nice and quiet. that is for sure. i might or should get a roommate. if i can last through january. more on this later.

also celebrated my 43rd bday on monday of this week. yippee. went out drinking by myself.. what fun that was. i was home by 930pm. not bad. i had a good time as i usually do with myself.

and r u ready for this news...!!!!! i have a date this saturday. if i can borrow some money to take her out. lol. not really i have this roof sold, so i should have some dough to take her out. it is with this lady who i met at the gym. we have been jogging together, only once, on the beach. and i just might go again this sunday, if things go well on saturday nite. this is my first neggie/poz date. she does not know my status. and wont, unless you know. things get down and dirty. but i am not planning on that. she might freak out, if i am true gentleman, like i have been known to be. i am not sure what to expect. it is exciting. to say the least. we are going to dinner and then bowling. lol. she bowls so i came across some free passes to bowl and i used that to ask her out. when i gave them to her, she was like well when we going out? this is the 2nd woman to ask me that in the last 2 weeks. no shit. i must be getting my grove back or something., for sure. lol. i will get back on here to report after this weekend.

well much love and peace to all who may read these words. i need to do some homework. just some reading. so thanks for listening to me. capt. vernon.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

it is 6 days before xmas and i had a doctor visit today. so i thought i would report in.. also have some shit to get off my chest i guess. well my tcells are up to 400. only because i stayed on meds until i they took my blood. i can play thier games as well. only that this game is about my life. 2 people, staff members told me today that i wuz killing myself with this 1 week on and 1 week off shit. they both kind of laugh in my face. one of these was my doc. really now. i was adviced to do this by the great doc. H in louisville ky and i truly believe it works and has since this blog as started. so go figure. there is always an outlier in all studies. that outlier is now myself. thank you very much. i feel fine and my CBC is all in the normal range. so go figure. even my liver numbers are in the normal range. i want to thank Eve Prang for her support at her HEALTHY PWA PROGRAM out of MCC in sarasota. this program, i can not say enough about it has put me into high gear of great health. that is no shit. i feel great except for the small headaches i get with the therapy. one more reason to not take it for a week.

well i am still alone. my friend in south florida, miss s. dont think she is coming up here for new year eve. well well. it has been now 5 new years eve with out my best friend wife, my zoester. and i thought i might have some company this year, but no luck. miss s. stopped taking my calls or even calling me back. what is up with that shit. you look at me and think that i have no problem finding some women or so. well it is in my head about this hiv shit. i am going to get this woman at the gym. or at least i hope. she is another miss j though. she is hot.

for this year i am giving out zoe's book to friend down here in florida. they are getting a little piece of me and zoe. i am sharing more and more of myself. and that is a good thing.

even though i have not spoken to my roommate in 2 weeks. i dont think that is a good thing. but who knows.

stay tuned on that front.

i have been on 2 roofs this week and might be on more later. i am slowing being trained to put on roofs. i have installed 2 this week, like i mentioned and will be putting on more in the future. who would have thunk it. little ole me installing roofs and working with power tools. i can even drive a fork lift now.

well much love to all who read these words. and merry christmas or happy hannauka and happy new year to all.

capt vern.


Friday, December 14, 2007

hello world. how are things going for everyone out there.? i hope find the holidays are upon us. yippee. this makes my 5th xmas with out zoe. it kind of got to me last night. she passed on some of courage to me. last nite while at the bar, i was sitting there and some one said that magic had to be gay, due to the fact that it is impossible for hiv to be transmitted from woman to man. i bit my lip for about 3 minutes and then spoke up. you are looking at a male who that very thing happened to him. they were like stun for a moment. people usually dont go around discussing this disease. in the state of florida you have to test pos first to get into the clinic and others services, so i have my card in my wallet at all times. i told them about how to and how not to get infected.. i told them a little bit about me and zoe's life together. i have one of the small pics in my wallet of the three of us. so i showed them that. i look great and flashed my biceps and said that. i strive to take good care of myself. i am running on days that i am not lifting. so i am the gym every day. anyway. i hope that they see me in another light now. who knows what they are thinking or were thinking last nite. i pretty much told the whole bar, but there was only like 5 people there. i would have felt like a coward if i did not mention something. i like to put a face on this disease. sooner or later, i think i will be in the newspapers down here as well. still educating people into this century. so i had zoe on my mind a lot last night. after meeting her, you knew she was positive within the first 5 minutes of meeting her. she was that way. i just dont want to be seen only by my disease. but as someone that has overcome this disease. i told them that people are still dying and that it is not cured yet. and until that time it is people like myself that should help keep the public's mind on this disease.

well much peace and love to all who may read these words. i see doc next wednesday so i will report in to tell you all my numbers. stay tuned. i am looking for a high tcell # since i stayed on meds for 2 weeks to give blood.

peace and merry christmas.

this country needs to elect a democrat next year and do more for global warming. more on that on a later blog.


Wednesday, November 28, 2007

well i am back. where to begin at. i went on the poz cruise and had a great time. did i find my next mate....well no not exactly. so it was a bomb in that regard. maybe i should have not put so much into it. that is why it took me so long to get back on here to report my findings. lol.

like i said, i had a great time and intend on going next year, if my high reuinion is not that same weekend.

we set sail out of miami and headed toward grand cayman. we had a day at sea, and we all got drunk. lol. my close friends who went with me actually got engaged monday nite. first at sea. so we had to get up early for snorkeling and shore excursion in the caymans on that tuesday. well the waves were too high for the tenders to get us off the boat. so the port authority closed the port to everyone. so we got drunk again....lol. we were told this after getting ready by 715am to embark. i do not mean anything against the organizers of the cruise. they continue to do a great job. it was a weather thing and out of thier hands.

by the next day, i was like well land this boat some where, please so i can get my legs back. lol.

we headed towards honduras, where we into the rain forest to go up in the trees and glide through the canapy on cables hung about 60 to 80 feet high. there was about 13 different cables that you had to get on. some were like 500 feet apart and you could not see the tree you needed to land in. it was wild. then we took a walking tour of the gardens and areas where they have monkeys who like to climb on ya. again it was way cool.

then we went to belize and toured the ruins of the mayans. we toured an old temple and arena like area in that country. we were supposed to see this pyramid ruin, but the rain had washed out the road there, so that was canceled or curtailed. we still had a good time, except for a queasy tummy i got on the bus ride.

then we went to cozumel. and the only thing i needed to do there was to find carlos/charlies and get drunk. so we did...lol

in cozumel we had lunch and when they bought the tab out it was in pesos, but said $199.00. i was shocked and thought that the mexicans got this gringo...lol. i actually asked if they took plastic. being that i did not travel with that much cash. it was only $20 in usa green backs. thank god.

next year they are hoping to get enough people on board where there will be hetero/gay groups, or outing or get togethers. who knows. i am hoping to go next year and will hopefully have a nice crowd as this year. next year we get 5 ports of call...


i think that is the address.

again i did meet some one on the boat. and we had some good time.. but on land she is, i think, not interested in seeing me. can you image that. one of the best man on this goddamn planet. well her loss. and if she changes her mind, or makes a move, i will let you all know.

as for my health, i am doing fine. give blood in the a.m. so i will be back next month to give results. feeling fine and doing what i have to do to keep me healthy. still running and bike riding. and then the other day i am lifting weights. i am about to start curling 100lbs on my last set. that is the magical number that i have never been able to get near. so wish me luck. some of the local people i have met call me popeye. lol.

well much love to all. capt. cosmos